The Inner Struggle
by Layla Fairy
Summary: Just a collection of oneshots with every pairing you can think of. Contains no 'I Love You's or hugs and kisses. Just all about the feelings inside! Contains slash. Is turning out really to be really Dark to...
1. The Shadow Of Light

The Shadow Of Light

Hell, its sheer hell. Have you ever had that feeling where you see the person of your dreams and you're always inches away from them…but you have to bat them down with insults? But by far the worst is when you actually have to _attack _them. With every poisonous word that escapes my lips I feel as if a new crack is being applies to my heart. Because I love you, I would give anything to hold you. Your beautiful shadow black fur and your unreadable olive eyes.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

The only thing that keeps me from running to you and holding you close is that we are parted. It's like whenever we meet there is a thin red line between us, keeping us apart. But it's because I choose a different path to you. I choose to steer towards the shadows, the darkness and you chose to stay to the light.

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

I was once incredibly close to you; I was your team leader. I gave you orders and you obeyed. I said come and you came, called your name and you run faithfully back. Now you run away. believe me I've tried hard to follow your ways of life…but…I just can't see the light you do. But then you are unique, seeing the light even at the darkest times.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

And when I plunged that sabre into the back of your head I felt like crying. But in my world that means weakness. And I couldn't show my master I was weak. The battle commenced and then my heart broke. Your new leader, that boy pushed me. Into the egg's surface. That's when I was sure I'd never see your face again. But I did, and my stomach did back flips. But I missed the shadow black fur and the beautiful olive eyes.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything seems like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

The shiny surface of cold hard metal glittered at me the first time I saw you again. And I could read only one thing in your newly acquired baby-blue eyes: Fear. It was then I realized you were more like me then I thought. Scared, scared of rejection, that maybe we would be treated differently because of our new looks. But I feared that my master wouldn't trust me. But yours was another kind of fear. The fear that your friends wouldn't love you anymore. But I loved you all the same.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

And so every time I see you I'll be content. Content because I saw your shining face, your false hope, you spurring on the team. I'll be Content but never happy. Because you're at such a distance away that I can never hold you…love you…kiss you. Bittersweet, that's what it is. Bittersweet hell!

_I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am _

Damn you Antauri. Damn your stupid philosophy and your stupid ways. What's this curse you've put over me! Why can't I look at you and feel the hatred I feel when I look at the others! I hate you, hate you. But at the same time there's a small part of me that loves you, and always will.

_I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am_

It's like I take one step forward…towards the light and then two steps back to the darkness. I guess what you always told me was right. _The closer you get to the light the bigger your shadow becomes._

_---_

I was thinking earlier that Mandarin's clone would feel the same things as the original right? Anyhow AntauriMandarin one-shot added!


	2. Wait For Me

Wait For Me

I know my heart changes its course every five seconds. I know I have an attraction to every curvy female that passes my way. First of Nova was always the target of my affection. She slapped it away, literally, so I tried harder and the harder I tried the harder it was to hold on to the love I thought our relationship had.

_When all alone in my chair, I just go about wishing_

_When all alone in my bed, I just go about yearning_

I let her go, then it was my annoying blue counter part that caught my attention. But he saw me as just the (And I quote) 'Annoying, perverted pilot. Need I go on?' So that ended, another on of my little fantasies shot down in flames. I had to let go and it felt like my ego had been slapped with a whip.

_But that's not something I can do so easily_

_This is not simply my way, my style_

_Gotta get a hold of my life_

I felt like my life was bouncing wildly out of control and my bloody heart couldn't make its mind up. But you always sat in the sidelines of my life. I only regarded you when you came bounding up or wanted to put your two cents in the conversation.

_I wanna fly high_

_So I can reach the highest of all the heavens_

_Somebody will be waiting for me so,_

_I have got to fly higher_

And it wasn't until I really got to know you properly that I saw the real you. Kind and caring while keeping the hyperish child inside you. I guess I never thought we could have something, because well…I didn't know you. I didn't know your quirks and phobia's. Your favourites and hates. But know I do…

_Now is the time to find my way through this life_

_I'm trying so hard to be strong_

…and I guess you could say I see you in a new light. I pushed myself into believing I liked the others but when I see you its just natural. I get wild butterflies I've never experienced before. And I'm not ashamed to say I love you. I could waltz right up to you, take your hand and twirl you around. But I never do. And neither do you. I guess the fright of rejection, the scar of people laughing at you works both ways.

_I wanna fly high_

_So I can reach the highest of all the heavens_

_Somebody will be waiting for me so,_

_I have got to fly higher_

But no matter whom I was looking at, no matter whose shoulder I was reading over, you always stayed by my side. Believing that somehow I would drift towards you. You never gave up on me. I know I'm going to have to work hard to keep up with your hyperactive nature and how you believe the world is all black and white but I know I can do it. Because this isn't a crush. This is love because only someone who loves you dearly would wait for you while you drool over someone else. And so I say…

_I wanna fly high_

_So I can reach the highest of all the heavens_

_Somebody will be waiting for me so,_

_I have got to fly higher_

…Thank you for waiting for me Otto.

---

SprxOtto complete! Ok I know it's incredibly short but hey who cares .

Oh and just because I write about a certain pairing doesn't mean you have to like them, freedom of speaking my mind right? (and believe me my mind is twisted) So please none of those 'ew I hate that couple' reviews because basically they just bug me. Geez you can't like everything in the world.

Moving onto a happier note I know there are chunks missing out of the song but hey, I'm the writer its how I wanted it.


	3. Obsession

Obsession

You ignore me, beat me and abuse me. But I come straight back. You slap me painfully hard across the cheek. I get no sorry or I didn't mean to, I just come straight back. And sometimes it feels as if you barely know who I am. Your golden fists have met my face so many times I lost count at twenty.

_You don't remember me, but I remember you  
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you  
But who can decide what they dream, and dream I do_

I see you in my head…pressing your body close to mine in a kiss that's so hard it hurts. Your hands sliding up my chest, the metal of your fingers slowly rubbing over my crimson fur. I see your tail wrapped around my waist pulling yourself closer still. I see myself curling my hands around your waist without you hitting me. But I guess they'll always just be images in my head.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live, to breathe  
You're taking over me_

And the worst thing is that when I muck up, which I do a lot, is that I can never truly get away from you. I know through personal experience that when you get hurt you need some time to think. But you're always at least five paces away from me. That's what makes it painful. We don't get the five minutes apart to think over things and I guess that's why our bond has suffered from so many cracks.

_Have you forgotten all I know, and all we had  
You saw me mourning my love for you, and touched my hand  
I knew you loved me then_

We had so much going for us back then. We were younger, nicer and defiantly freer then we've ever been. And then the worm came and everything I'd tried so hard to pull together was shot down in flames. But then you always comfort me, hold my hand and tell me everything's going to be fine. And as soon as I hold your hand tighter you slap me. But that's the thing.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live, to breathe  
You're taking over me_

I love you. Madly, truly, deeply. I can't get you out of my head. Your beautiful voice that rings out like bells, your fur in pristine condition or your heart stopping eyes. They pierce through me and read me like a book. As if making a full emotional scan of me. No matter how hard I try I just can't force myself to look away from your pretty eyes.

_I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough  
So many things inside that are  
Just like you are taking over_

Then I don't think we'll ever have anything because of our love/hate relationship. We'll never be able to get on terms with each other and if we did you'll most probably have a flipping great rule book of what I can and can't do with you. But I guess the main thing ruling us apart is the abuse. I'm close to the point of giving up. Because every day I get a slap, a kick, a punch. I don't think I could take that every day of my life.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live, to breathe  
You're taking over me_

You're tearing me apart. Savagely pulling me apart at the screws. You're tearing at me like a pack of rabid wolves after their kill. All in all: you're killing me. I want to give up…to just say I quit. But that's a weak option in your eyes. I don't want to look bad in your eyes. I'm torn between reality and fantasy, each as twisted as the other. You save me from terrible decisions yet you're the cause of the ideas in the first place.

_I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live, to breathe  
You're taking over me   
You're taking over me  
Taking over me_

And I haven't told anyone, simply because there is no one to tell. I don't want the team to fall apart at the seams but I guess it already has. I'm the only one who knows I'm dying inside. I try to cover it up with my happy cheery nature but one day I'm sure I'll fail.

I'll keep you my secret, my passion,

My obsession

---

A slightly dark look on SprxNova but at least it's done. I was going to go for a happy, sappy ending but I felt like being different. I heard this song the other day for the first time and instantly thought of Sprx. Anyhow please r&r!


	4. Notice Me

Notice Me

I give up. I've tired everything! But you just don't notice the real me. I tried acing smart but you though I was impersonating you…badly. I wanted to be able to listen to you speaking and actually understand you, because I'm not as dumb as you make me out to be. I'm actually pretty bright when it comes to mechanicals. But you can' see it. Maybe your high IQ stops you from seeing people for what they are. You just kept swatting me away, every time I'd burst into your lab proudly showing you whatever I'd just made you'd say 'Not now Otto' or 'Tell me when I'm not so busy Otto'. So when will you have time for me?

_I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away_

Why are you so cold? Pushing everyone away and locking yourself into your lab pushing your nose into a chemical or something. You need someone to show you what the outside world is like. What the sunshine on your fur feels's like and how the birds sing.

If you let me I could be that person.

I'd show you the truly important things in life. Let you taste ice cream on a sunny day or let you hear the hello's of people passing you on the street. You may be a brain box but you have so much to learn. You may be good a math's problems or biology or whatever you study in there but I'm scared. I'm scared that you will spend so much time in there you will forget what the world is like. I'm scared that you'll forget me. That's why I bust into your lab everyday. Just to make sure you're still holding on.

_I didn't know that it was so cold  
And you needed someone  
to show you the way  
So I took your hand and we figured out  
That when the tide comes  
I'd take you away_

You need someone to keep on believing in you. Someone like me. I always believed in you, through thick and thin. Like one of those really cheesy romance films where everything would be perfect and they would skip of into the sunset. But life with you isn't perfect it's a one way battle. I fight hard to let you out, practically dragging you out but you pull on your arm making me fall over every time. And I'll start again. It's like one big jigsaw puzzle and the last few pieces are missing.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

I don't know how long I can carry on, trying desperately for you o even register I'm standing by your side at all times. I need your fluffy blue fur stoking against mine. I need your tail wrapped around mine…I need your lips touching mine. The only thing that keeps me going no matter what the circumstance is the fact I get to see you happy. You're happy in your lab and I only wish you would be happy with me. What is so important that you need to spend countless hours in your own company? Where is it that you hide from all of us? Is that what you're doing? Hiding?

_I'm sinking slowly  
So hurry hold me  
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on  
Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

Sometimes I get so scared I cry. I can't help it I just brake down and cry. It's your entire fault; if I didn't love you so much I'd hate you. That's what really keeps me believing in you. This one feeling makes every smile you send me like gold. I see in your eyes though, I see them beginning to cloud over. You're falling into the shadows and I'm terrified I can't save you. Please prove me wrong, fight the shadows. You mean far too much to me to loose you. I need your high IQ and your almost foreign language you say when you try to explain something.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

But after all I put myself through you barley realize I am alive. So I'll keep on trying to stop you but failing all the time. I know it annoys you and gets you wound up. But it's your own fault. Annoying you is the only way you acknowledge me. Because to you I am just some green monkey sitting in a chair or eating or whatever. But I want you to se me as Otto the mechanic of the hyper force.

_Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

I just want you to notice me.

---

Ok after a breather I'm back with piles of one shot ideas. Anyway here is the OttoGibson which I am going to give you all as a new years present from me! Oh and if you don't like OttoGibson –gets bucket- Flame away!


	5. Tainted

**Title: **Tainted

**Dedication: **To Lisbeth Scott. For making such a beautiful song!!!

**Song Used: **Where - Lisbeth Scott (since I can't use the lyrics just imagine they are there…)

**Pairing: **Chiro/Mandarin (This one-shot is not based on a couple or friendship…It's more of an understanding.)

**Notes: **set sometime in the future (after the final battle). Chiro's pov.

---

Its sunset and the sun is twinkling and dancing in front of my face. I stare out the window lost in a little world of my own. We won. The battle however left its mark on me. The various cuts and scars sting but I take no notice. One question lingering in my mind however is why? What corrupted you all those years ago?

The robot's machinery hummed as it travelled on, following its own path. I heard the laughter of my team mates before all eyes fell on me.

"Hey you ok kid?" Sprx asked, a look of concern on his face.

"Yeah you should be celebrating!" Otto said bounding up to my chair by the window.

"Yeah…just thinking" I answered. Soon they all dispersed apart from one yellow monkey.

"Didn't feel right did it?" Nova asked leaning against the side my chair.

"How did you know I was thinking of…" I trailed off unable to say his name. It was like a bittersweet taste in my mouth.

"Guess and maybe because I was thinking the same thing." She smiled.

I sighed and noticed the guys had all left.

"They went to their own rooms…leaving you some space type thing." She told me when I asked where they were. I stared at her. She was saddened at the talk of her old leader.

"I tried to save him" I told her.

"I know" she said the tiniest trace of tears rimmed her eyes. She placed a hand on my knee as if for support.

We sat in silence after that. I allowed my mind to wander. Then it came to me…I know why you fought against us. You were scared weren't you? you were like a child with no parents to guide you. I think I know why you turned your back against them now. Your light was corrupted wasn't it? You woke up one day and just felt cold right?

_Where have you gone my feather light heart?  
You mustn't forget what love can see_

You forgot the love your brothers and sister had for you didn't you? You forgot that families stick together no matter what…When times got tough you turned your back on them, but was it because you were just insecure? I wish I could have saved you from the darkness but I guess you were just too far gone.

Your heart was Tainted by the darkness.

---

Well…it was short and sweet…actually I'm not even sure it made sense! Anyway criticism wanted so help me out ok!


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